Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
