He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize