this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
