Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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