Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
