I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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