I want to have your abortion
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
