Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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