a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
