I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
