Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
