maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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