Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My vagina just clenched in fear
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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