omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
