Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
