i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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