Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
