His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
