brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
