I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
