i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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