I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
this just has baby written all over it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
