Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
