I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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