yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
