I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
