I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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