Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
