This is not my ceiling
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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