so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize