Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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