His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
