I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
