I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
