Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
