so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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