He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
