textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
There's always time for handjobs
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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