Plan B is the new Plan A
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
