the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's blow job season.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
