Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
