gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
