where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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