Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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