If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
