so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize