I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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