Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
