the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Oh god it's open bar.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
