just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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