How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
