ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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