never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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