Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
