need another drink. this is the easiest way
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
