she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
