Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
