Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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