The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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