Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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