Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
