She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
