he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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