I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
