Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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