normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
