First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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