your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize