Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
