So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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