I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
