Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
