i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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