My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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