i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
