i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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