Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
