And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
