I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
