It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
