Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
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