I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
