i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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