You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
