please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize