That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
