I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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