I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
