i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
