So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize