Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
