i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
