a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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