I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
