Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize