I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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