Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
