My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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