Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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