Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
