You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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