Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
